Grudges

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It’s the first “official” day of renovating our new house.. and I am feeling very helpless. There’s really nothing that I can contribute as of yet, and I feel like I’m constantly letting my husband down because when I’m there, I feel like I’m just sitting round doing nothing while he is working his ass off. And I feel like my talents would be better served in our home at the moment, doing chores, cleaning… sorting out paperwork etc. But he thinks that it’s me showing that I’m not interested. But I am. I just don’t know how to prove it yet. I’ve never renovated a house before.

I know I will learn over time, but at the moment I just have to have thick skin and get used to my ideas and efforts being rejected. Like, today I went to the shops and bought lunch for everyone, cut it all up and set the table.. but then nobody showed up. “We’re too busy” they said. And let me just clarify that I had set this all up at my parents house, which is literally a ONE minute drive from the new house. I don’t understand where they are coming from, and they dont understand where Im coming from. Its a vicious cycle.

So anyway, I was just trying to contribute because I feel pretty useless at the moment- and it got thrown back in my face. I have to just get over it and get used to it though, because this is the life of a renovator. So my day got worse when my mum yelled at me because I left her dogs inside for 30 seconds while mine went for a swim in her pool.. and then someone else very close to me said something hurtful about my dogs… and that doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it was. My dogs are my babies, and they are my most valuable possession. And it hurts when people say mean things about them, because I know that they are such kind natured animals and have such wonderful hearts. It makes me mad when people call them names. It’s like, get over yourself and pick on someone your own size.

The annoying thing is, that my dogs will go back to this person and love them unconditionally.. even after the horrible things they said about them. I wish I could forgive and forget that easily. I hold grudges like they are going out of style.

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