I had the day off yesterday and now I’m feeling extremely refreshed and ready to take on the work force again.
I remember when I used to work in childcare, I would count down the hours and minutes until I could go on my lunch break or FINALLY go home. I would dread going to work every day.. It was such a hard job, physically and mentally. You’ve got to show these kids patience and love and let them express themselves in a safe environment , all at the same time as WATCHING THEM like hawks so they don’t hurt themselves, others or toys.
I don’t think there’s been one day where I’ve looked at the clock and counted down the hours at my current job. I’m always busy- but I get the freedom to do what I want, when I want. And I think I’m really good at this admin stuff. I used to think admin sounded like an awful, boring job. But I love it. I can focus on things for long periods of time and it makes me think outside the box… How to do things more efficiently, better, quicker….
Not even the rain can bring me down today. I feel so good !
I did lots of sorting out today. I can’t believe how much I achieved in one day. I’ve still got a long way to go, but decluttering before the move to the granny flat was the best thing I’ve ever done. I was so shocked by the amount of crap I had accumulated- especially when I am not someone that becomes attached to material items. I read this buddah quote a while back (stop rolling your eyes! It was life changing!) and I’ve mentioned it in a blog before.. But for those of you who are not devout readers of my blog- he talks about how fragile everything is and that you should separate yourself from material items. Then he goes in to this analogy about a glass, and how when he first gets it, he already can imagine breaking it. That way he won’t be too disappointed if he ever actually does break it. Anyway, I’m really bad at explaining that quote (probably because I’m a Christian and obviously don’t follow the Buddhist faith) but it made me realise that hoarding a bunch of stuff I don’t need isn’t doing me any good.
I had a moment this afternoon when I realised how repetitive my life has been since starting work in sydney. I spend 2 hours a day looking at the back of a train seat. It makes your brain do funny things if you think about it too long. I start going a little bit crazy when I begin to ask questions like- who chose this pattern for the train seats? Why the yellow? Wouldn’t it have just been cheaper to do one solid colour? Did they hire someone to design them?
I think the worst thing about catching trains every day is that I live in a country where people don’t respect rules. Australians are notorious for their “F**k the POLICE!” Mentality which weirdly also applies to common rules and standards, such as the Quiet carriage on Cityrail trains. I literally cannot even explain the rage inside my soul when I am drifting in to a soft lulled sleep when some IDIOT gets on the quiet carriage and starts yapping away on their phone.
It puts you in a weird position..
Because on the one hand, I would have no problem politely telling them that this is actually a quiet carriage and pointing to the HUGE RED SIGNS all around them that they have somehow gone unnoticed… But on the other hand, this is Straya Mate. And wouldn’t it be unaustralian to tell someone to please abide by the rules?? I don’t know. I feel like this is how the convo would go:
Loud person: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Me: excuse me, this is a quiet carriage.
Loud person: what ?
Me: it’s a quiet carriage..(point to sign)
Loud person: Nah nah nah … Straya mate.
Straya… Sometimes I don’t know how to handle you
I have a serious case of Monday-itis this morning. I sooo can’t be bothered to pull myself out of my warm bed- especially when my husband has his RDO today and is lying peacefully and snuggly next to me.
My dogs also do nothing to help me in this journey of Monday-itis. They insist on cuddling up together on the lounge like this and all I want to do is dive right in there and make an amber, Zoe and Harley sandwich.
I really hope that one day I can be a stay at home mum. I know it’s a hard job – but I really think I am cut out for it. I don’t mind being alone and I’m very anti social, so I think I could deal with the boredom and loneliness factor. I could take the baby and the dogs for a walk to the beach or a walk around the neighbourhood… We could stop at a park and sit in the sun and look at all the beautiful nature while the dogs run around. And when it rains, I think I could throw away all my OCD tendencies and play with mountains of Lego and make pillow forts in the lounge room.
We probably won’t be able to afford it though- me staying at home. And that makes me a little depressed. But I guess that’s life.
I can’t wait to have a family portrait when we have our adorable babies one day .
I love my little family so much.
I love this artwork so much, but Ashton hates it so I can’t buy it for the house. It’s the type of thing that I could imagine waking up to in the morning and smiling. As soon as I saw it in the cute little shop near my house- I was instantly drawn to it. It made me feel like a child finding a super rare Pokemon card in the deck your sister just bought… And trying to be super non-chalant as you quickly swipe it and swap it with one of your energy cards (damn those stupid energy cards!).
I understand why some people chose to be single forever. It sucks that you have to consult with your partner for art work to put in your house. It’s funny how different artworks can make individual people feel. Like, this pineapple image filled my heart with a fluttering joy- but it gave Ashton a headache and made him feel like he had just swallowed a breath mint whole.
I guess it’s the same for me.. So I have to remember that when I get mad that he doesn’t share my love for weird things. He has this oil painting from Bali of a wave, and he just loves it and insists on hanging it in every house we live in. It makes him feel serene and comfortable. But I really can’t stand it. It makes me feel lost and cold inside. Maybe it’s because I can’t see the sand in the picture. I need to know that if the world went crazy and I got sucked in to the picture, that I would be able to safely swim back to shore and build myself a little hut.
That sounds so weird.
There’s something about sitting in a familiar setting and looking out at a view that, no matter how many times you see it, is spectacular.
When I came back from Germany a few years ago- it was a time that was increasingly difficult for me as I missed Ashton so much. A lot of people didn’t understand why I was so sad about being away from him for 6 weeks. They are the type of people that haven’t really met their soul mate I guess. Or maybe they have never felt the feeling of being connected to another person, like Lego.. Like magnets. It actually hurts me to be away from Ashton. I can never go on holiday without him because literally everything I see reminds me of him. I see things that he would love and I wish he was there to experience the same joy as me. Anyway- so I came back from a freezing cold winter in Germany, back to sweltering hot, humid australia.. And all I wanted to do was lie in the ocean and let my worries wash away with the waves.
So shortly after I arrived home, Ashton drove me down to the beach… Where I ran and dove, head first in to the ocean- the very element that separated me from my soul mate for all those weeks- and I just let myself get washed to shore, where I lay on the sand and let the water wash over me again and again.
It is one of my fondest memories of Stanwell Park beach.