Be someone else

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I feel and look like I’ve been run over by a truck today. I feel like absolute crap, inside and out. 

It’s been really hard for me to accept that I am the weird one in this world. My husband pointed it out to me recently. He said “look at you and how many people you’ve had arguments with. What’s the common denominator?”. It’s me. I am the root of all evil in my own life. 

I don’t know why, though. I really don’t. You probably think I’m lying and just being an egotistical maniac (as per usual?), but I am seriously baffled to why so many people dislike me. I mean, I know I’m a bit strange, loud, over bearing, too obsessive, too loving, stressful and anxiety ridden… but I know a lot of people like that and most people just refer to them as “quirky” or “over the age of 70”. 

It has come to my attention that a lot of people have a problem with what I write on this blog. I would just like to remind you all, my few loyal readers… that I am not forcing you to click in to this link, scroll down and read. I do not name people in my blog, I try and keep it anonymous. So if you read something and make assumptions about who I’m talking about, then maybe that’s your own issue. Maybe you have a complex. I cannot change that. All I can say is that I am open to conversation and criticism, and if you have a problem with something I have said, try talking to me about it. I am literally a 22 year old, defensive woman and I am willing to delete a post or modify it if it offends you. 

I was reading this article posted on mamamia about this overbearing bridezilla that sent her 10 best friends a letter asking them to be her bridesmaids. All the comments on the link were like “WtF I hope none of them accepted!” and “what a psycho!!!!!!!!!”. I was intrigued. So I read it. And all I could think the whole time was, “this poor woman is stressed about her wedding and she loves these 10 girls enough to ask them to be in her wedding.. and then they leak it online and tease her”. I did not, in the slightest, think that the letter was bad or misguided. I still have no idea. I wish someone would explain it to me. The letter basically said like.. what the costs would be, and where each event would be held, and that if they couldn’t attend all of the pre-wedding events it was probably best if they weren’t bridesmaids, or if they couldn’t afford it. She was probably trying to eliminate any arguments. I guess it didn’t work out for her. Anyway, I still don’t get it so if someone could explain it to me (maybe with pictures?) it would be much appreciated. 

So apparently I can’t do anything right. Every time I do anything it causes crap. I’m a bull in a china shop. That’s the only way to describe it. I don’t know how to change. Do you think I like being like this? Because I don’t. Believe me, if I could wake up tomorrow morning and be a quiet, dutiful, normal person that is friends with everyone I WOULD LOVE IT. I think I would cut my own hand off if it meant I could be normal, even just for a week. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to have people love me and want to be my friend. There is a girl in my life who I want to be friends with SO BADLY that it actually hurts. We had an argument and now, understandably she doesn’t really enjoy my company. I would give anything to be friends with her again. I wish I could take some fairy dust and sprinkle it on my face so that I could be a different person so that I could have her back in my life. 

If there is one thing I have learnt in my 22 years it is this: Be yourself. Unless you aren’t normal. In which case, don’t. Because otherwise you will be confined to living in a world of misery where you just keep hurting people and you can’t help it. 

I understand now why people just disappear off the face of the earth and live in caves. I really, really do. 

 

I am so completely over this. 

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