I had a blood test today. I still can’t believe it. I’ve been sitting here for 45 minutes actually being genuinely shocked at myself and wondering how I convinced myself to go through with it. I feel very empowered about the whole situation.
Due to my health issues, I knew I was going to have to have a blood test. So I’ve been preparing myself all week. Harley made me feel better this morning after I wrapped her up outside (it was cold) and I found her walking around with the blanket still stuck on her body. She is so cute.
Anyway.. I was a blubbering idiot in the pathology waiting room. I was crying, shaking and on the verge of vomiting/fainting when the lovely nurse came out to get me. She was so very wonderful and understanding of my situation.
The power of God is a strong force- you can’t mistake it for anything else. Right before I walked in to the pathology waiting room I prayed and I said “God- please give me the strength to do this”. And even though the devil got in to my mind and tried to convince me otherwise, I asked God to clear any force of satan from my mind… and I walked in to the room in a state of peace. I used the breathing techniques that I’ve been learning in yoga to calm myself down as I lay on the bed while the nurse took my blood.
It’s like He had been preparing me for this situation all along.
I got invited to a baby shopwer for a girl at work tofay.. I work with all people from the UK so there was a lot fo wine involved. I probably should have considered this before I stumbled back in to work. I have had to sit here and pretend to be sovber for the past 2 hours and it’s been really tricky. Tricky and sticky they call it. That’s something my brother in law would say.. you don’t know him- his name is Simon and people always think we are siblings and it;s super funny. Ashton and Olivia must have the same taste in life partners.. interesting. I always wonder what my brother w9pp end up marrying… I hope she isn;t some total wanker with long stupid fake nails and hair extensions, bevause4 I think id die on the isnide a little bit if that happened.
I feel bad for Mel C from the Spice girls because when the spice girls broke up and she tried to go SOLO, it didn’t really work out.. she had that one hit that was like “I turn 2 u… ” and then that was it. I casn’t think of anythign worse than being a one hit wonder. It would be quite insutling.. it;s like, you are good but only for like 10 mins and then nobody gives a flying truck. Used goods… you might call it.
So I’m gonna raise my hand and admit that there is absolutely no point to this blog post… like, seriously nothing at all. I mentioned a few loved ones… Hey Simon.. (he thinks I hate him so I am trying to prove him wrong because I do love him deep down, he is my brother in law and he is very wonderful to my sister in lkaw so I’m happy about that and sometimes he is pretty funny). and I sp[oke briefly on Mel C and I’m sure she would appreciate that (not the part where I called her a one hit wonder).
Ok I guess it’s time to go
I’ll leave you with that thoyught.
Try and girguer thwt pnr out// uyeah…You cant!
Ok, so I know this is like..the 40th time I’ve written a blog about ZoZo.. but I can’t help it. She is seriously so cute that I want to cry. Ashton introduced her to the blanket basket in our lounge room recently, and now she has claimed it as her own little doggy bed.
Sometimes it actually hurts my heart how much I love this dog. The way she jumps up and wraps her paws around me when I get home, how she gets sleepy and retires to the bedroom by herself and puts herself to sleep… She is such a big sister. At night, the dogs sleep in our room, but if I get up in the middle of the night, she always sneaks out while the door is open and I find her in the basket the next morning.
I can’t imagine what I’m going to be like when I have children. I can’t comprehend actually loving another creature more than I love Zo. Even though this dog drives me absolutely nuts at times, I could not imagine life without her… she is the epitome of my joy.
I think it’s unfair that boys get to do so much stuff that girls don’t. I’m not talking about womens rights here or equality or whatever. I’m talking about how women are the prey of so many sickos out there that just run around freely harassing girls all over the world. One of my facebook friends posted that trending #AllWomen twitter thing…and I found myself reading it and agreeing so entirely by how all of these women were responding to that psycho in California that held like… a 20 year grudge against girls that rejected him in high school.
I do agree with the premise that some women are walking contradictions when it comes to men. They lead boys on for months, years… and then dump them at the drop of a hat when someone better comes along, and they brag to their friends about how “obsessed” this “stalker” is with them. But then when a guy does it to her, it’s like OMG he is SUCH a wanker, worst guy in the world.
But to be honest, that’s really not what I was going to write about today.. so let’s move on.
Today I was reading about Bolivia, in particular the city of La Paz that borders on Peru. It sounds like such a beautiful, traditional city and I would love to travel there one day. So I’m flicking through the pages and I came across several travel warnings for the city of La Paz and how assaults are common on tourists. I’m gonna take a wild guess here and say that I bet the majority of these attacks are on women. There’s so many places in the world that I would love to see, but I can’t because there are awful men out there who might hurt me, rape me or murder me.
It used to frustrate me as a teenager because my parents wouldn’t let me go out at night unless my guy friends were going to be there. I never understood this and I thought it was because they thought I was stupid enough to get lured in to a van by a stranger with lollies or accidently marry someone from the taliban. But now as I have acquired a bit more wisdom, I realise that all they were doing was trying to prevent me from getting raped or murdered or assaulted by someone elses son. It’s funny to think about it like that, isn’t it? That a woman has to surround herself with men in order to avoid getting assaulted by other men. It’s like men have this secret little club and if there is enough of them around a woman, it’s like a silent tick of approval, like “Don’t worry, she’s cool..you don’t need to rape her”.
I’m not even being a feminist right now.. but it just completely dawned on me how ridiculous this world is.
Recently I’ve advanced from an inner-fat kid to a full blown fatty. I never believed people when they told me that I should cherish the time in my life when I had a fast metabolism. I wish I had listened to them so I could get a hold of my addiction to sugar and carbohydrates.
I accidently bought a pack of tim tams today, and I’ve only eaten TWO so far. I’ve finally figured out how to stop myself from eating the whole packet in 5 minutes. Being a fatty entails sheer laziness. It’s part of the lifestyle. So if I put something substantially out of reach, chances are I’ll be too lazy to make the effort to get it. There is ONE spot on my desk that I can’t reach from any sitting position, and so that’s where the tim tams live now. And they are so far away from me that sometimes I even forget I have them.
You know when you’re going for a hike up a mountain and you get half way and feel like you’re going to die and all you can think is “damn.. this is going to hurt in the morning”? Well, I feel your pain. Today we went for a bush walk with our friend Sam and his dog-friend Zuma up Mt Mitchell.. You would think I would be the type of person that hates bush walking, which is true to a degree. I only enjoy bush walks that have a clear pathway. I don’t like rummaging through bushes and getting slapped by branches and eaten alive by bugs. But this one was quite an enjoyable little trek and I enjoyed it immensely.
We had an interesting conversation on the way down about how we feel such enormous pressure to buy a house and get ourselves established at such a young age. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to have grey hair by the time I’m 25 from all the stressing I already do about a mortgage that I don’t even have yet.
Have you ever met a rich person that was GENUINELY happy? Think about it for a minute and you’ll realise that you probably haven’t. I knew a rich man once that was probably the saddest person I’ve ever met in my whole life. His love of money made him completely void of compassion. Plus, he was a sociopath.. So I guess that doesn’t really count. He was probably lying about being rich too. Wow. My bad?
Anyway… Ashton and I just want to travel. And not the type of travel that people talk about when they go to like, Bali or Thailand…. I want to go to places that I would never expect I could go. I want to look out at an unknown landscape and marvel at the beauty of the world and how intricate it truly is.
I mean, If we put our minds to it, we could probably buy an investment property, then another one and another one and eventually build our dream house for our children. But all I see for that future is 2 bitter old people, sitting in an empty nest after our children leave, with empty photo albums and nothing to talk about.
I LOVE waking up to my husband on the weekend. I love the way he looks when the sun comes through the curtains and makes his skin glow. I remember when I was a teenager I used to dream about waking up next to my future husband and how we would snuggle in and watch the sun creep higher in to the sky as we relaxed the day away. It’s a very special time for me… and I can’t wait til we have children so we can all snuggle together on the weekends in our big bed.
Ashton and I are Christians, so we didn’t live together before we were married (cue GASPS). Usually when I tell people this their mouths drop to the floor and they say things like “but how did you know that you could handle living with him before you made that commitment???” and then I say something like “Well it’s actually none of your business what my husband and I did or didn’t do in the past” and then it gets awkward and we never speak again because they think I’m a bitch, which I probably am.. but it gets so frustrating when people you BARELY know think it’s perfectly fine to butt in on your affairs and ask questions about your personal life.
It’s not that I care what they think of me or my lifestyle choices as a christian, but it gets very hard to not be misunderstood as a judgey fudgey when they ask me why I didn’t have sex before marriage and then say “So, I guess you think it’s bad that I live with my boyfriend then?”.. and I’m like “well.. I…wouldn’t do it myself…but you can do what you want… we can just agree to disagree I guess”. and then they continue to ask questions that they don’t want to hear the answer to and they get all defensive and I just have to stand there.
That’s the problem with non-Christians.. they are perfectly happy to ask you all sorts of questions like “How can God and Jesus be the same person?” and “But how could ONE boat have housed EVERY animal in the entire world?” and “If God loves us then why do bad things happen?”, among other questions that are basically impossible to answer. But as soon as anything comes up about pre-destination or sin and the fact that there is a higher power that loves you unconditionally despite this, it’s like… they don’t want to hear the answer to it. They are happy to watch you squirm and try and explain the explainable questions about why God lets people get cancer, but as soon as they ask you something that you confidently can answer it’s like they freeze and this wall goes up and they don’t want to hear the answer in case it’s something too scary or real.
I remember speaking to this man once that said “I would love to be a Christian, but I have no evidence that God is real. If He is real, I’m here… and He just needs to present himself to me”. I don’t know where his spiritual journey was at or if God ever did present Himself to him. I can only hope so. Because that man was my grandfather and he died of bladder cancer a few weeks later. I can only hope that he opened his eyes, looked out the window and saw the sun outside and knew that only a higher power could have created a giant, burning cauldron in the sky: A force so magnificent that if it were an inch closer to the earth, we would all go up in flames and die. Coincidence? I think not.