Bekvam

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Bekvam

I went for a stroll to the Salvos store around the corner from my work today. I don’t usually go in there because it smells like fish and moth balls, but sometimes they air it out and that’s when I make my move. I walked past and saw the door open, so I bolted in there to try and find some bargains.

I got my hot little hands on an Ikea Bekvam spice rack which apparently are super useful and hard to come by these days? Whatever. I bought it and I’m really excited because I’m going to use it as a little holder for my succulents. I think that will look so super cute in my bedroom (don’t tell ashton, he will freak).

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Message from my Tea

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Message from my Tea

My anxiety has been making me feel awful this morning… It feels like there is a little man inside my head questioning everything I have ever done and will do in my life and making me want to vomit.

Yesterday I got roused on by my TAFE teacher for being too “haphazard” with my work… And I was like UMM..Hello?? This isn’t high school. You shouldn’t care about my work this much. and anyway, it put me in a really bad mood and now I feel like I suck at my job and that I might as well just stay at home in my bed forever.

I was getting frustrated with my TAFE work and I was in the process of warming up my fist so I could punch a hole through the computer screen… but then I looked down at my Tea, and it gave me a little message: “Keep calm and come back later”. I know that’s very broad advice and could be applied to literally any situation, but I think the good old people at Tetley have a good little idea there. So I listened to them… and I feel much better.

Daddy daughter

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Daddy daughter

I’ve been feeling like I am on the verge of a panic attack all morning and it’s very uncomfortable. It’s strange because technically I’m not stressed about anything.. actually I’m fairly content with my life at the moment because nothing hugely terrible has happened recently. I also have taken my medication every day … so if I’m still getting this anxiety then I feel like the chemist is robbing me of $9.59 every month.

I tried everything to get this sick feeling in my gut to go away… so I finally resorted to a nice long walk on my lunch break. It calmed me down a bit.. but I still mostly feel like I’m going to have a nervous break down in the middle of the office (OMG I dont want to be THAT girl).

As I was walking I saw the centerpoint tower.. and for just a moment, I felt a wave of relief sweep over my soul. It reminds me of my dad, because he took me there on a “daddy-daughter date” when I was 13. I forgot what it was like to just throw all of my problems at my dad and say “fix them”, and then walk away and not have to worry about them. That was a nice time. I wish I had appreciated it more during the 20 years I lived with him.

I’ll never forget when he took me there. We had a buffet meal with crocodile, kangaroo and emu meat. My dad is obsessed with food and it willing to try just about anything, so that didn’t surprise me.

I remember when people would talk about their dads and say “my dad is so cool”.. and I’d just laugh because I knew my dad was way, way better than everyone elses. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I didn’t have my dad. A girl’s dad is her first love… he sets the bench mark for every guy that will ever enter her life. I think that the quality of your husband is a reflection on how much your dad loved you. ….. So looking at the whole picture now, I understand why I was lucky enough to end up with literally the best husband ever.

S&M

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These are the two best friends that anyone could have. Like seriously… They are 2 peas in a pod. One of Ashton’s biggest regrets was not having Sam as the best man at his wedding. He is the most loyal friend that Ashton has ever had… So I guess in our minds he was the best man anyway.

His girlfriend Mel is seriously one of the best people I’ve ever met. She is legitimately on par with my husband and my brother&sister. Whenever you are with her, her free spirit just rubs off all over you and you can’t help but smile. I don’t think I’ve ever been sad around either her or Sam.

I remember once I got super drunk and had an argument with Ashton. I ran away and got in the car with Sam and Mel … And they made me laugh so hard that I forgot why I was even angry. And they never even made me feel stupid about it.

The first time I got a lift with Mel to uni, she pulled over and picked up a random Asian guy so that we could get the Three for Free parking deal. I just sat silently in the front while Mel talked the ear off this awkward Chinese exchange student. It’s probably one of the funniest moments of my life.

I wish I had a whole novel, because I could seriously fill it with all the funny memories I’ve had with these people. I’m going to make my kids call them
Aunty and uncle.

Secret life with dolls

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The best part about going away for the weekend is that you have time to do useless activities like braiding and painting nails. I’m so glad we brought Tara with us because Ashton absolutely hates it when I braid his hair .

I remember when I was 13, we lived on a highway so we didn’t have any neighbours. So I was always super bored on the weekends. I didn’t really have any friends in my area so I just used to sit at home, go on msn, watch tv and braid my hair. I got really good at it… Which is one of my few random, useless talents.

It was a good way to occupy myself . Being 13 was awful because I had to start doing teenager things . But I was more interested in playing with my Madeline dolls and watching the saddle club. I’d go to school in the day and pretend to care about hot male singers and actors, and then id come home and live my secret life with my dolls and childish tv shows. Id throw those confusing Girlfriend magazines under my bed and pull out my Totalgirl magazines and read about horses and barbies. It was brilliant.

I feel like this is a secret that nobody knows…. Whoopsie.

So pretty

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I don’t think I have been truly relaxed in a very long time. We came down to Lake Conjola with Ashton’s sister Tara , and I’m already feeling completely at ease. It’s a strange feeling.

I’m glad that we get to spend the whole weekend with Tara because she is so bubbly and fun to be around, but not to the point where you are like OMG SHUT UP. She just sort of rolls with the punches. It’s very refreshing.

It’s so good to be around Tara. I swear we were cut from the same cloth… She’s my type of human. I know this other girl that blames the world for all her problems and just sits round all day hating life. But Tara can turn something mediocre into the best thing that’s ever existed. Like, this afternoon we went fishing down at the lake and had a drink together. Usually I hate doing that because there are mozzies and I get cold and I only like drinking wine in my Peter Alexander duck pyjamas. But I had a wonderful time because Tara just looked out at the water and said “this is so pretty”.

Wish I was rich

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Wish I was rich

OMG seriously, you guys. I desperately want to suppress my desires to go travelling so that I can just have a baby already. Think about it. If I could just be OK with waiting 18+ years to travel, then I would already start reproducing. But I don’t want to have that moment with my teenage child…you know, the one where we are engaged in a huge fight… and he/she slams the door in my face and screams “I HATE YOU”, and then I resent them forever and blame them for not being able to accomplish my dreams of travelling the world.

Now, i just want to clarify that the amount that I hate this photo of myself is beyond measure… the lighting is really terrible at my desk. Unless you are a jovial 9 month old baby boy.

I like to always make a HUGE effort with people’s babies so that one day if they need someone to babysit, I’m the first person that comes to their mind. I tried childcare but that was a nightmare… so I tried nannying, but the pay is terrible. So for now I guess I’ll just have to wait in anticipation for someone to need me to look after their baby for 5 minutes while they fill out paperwork.

Why can’t I just be rich? It would solve literally ALL my problems.