I got the keys to the new house today. I cleaned it. I think this will be a short blog because I am so exhausted that I could seriously cry. It’s my birthday tomorrow and it’s the first time I haven’t been excited for it. Ashton says we will do something on the weekend but it’s not the same. Why did I agree to moving on my birthday? LOL, my bad. I am so excited to lie down in bed and sleep for a few hours… it makes me happy just thinking about it.
Today I had to say farewell to an amazing lady and her babies. Tina is probably one of my favourite people in the world because she is so selfless. No matter what, her kids always come first and one day I hope I can be like that with my children. I remember when I called her out on being pregnant because she said she was feeling sick. She said “Ok.. I am pregnant, but please don’t tell anyone because it’s only early”. I didn’t mean to out her, and she was just trying to make me shut up, but I felt so privileged that I knew when a lot of other people didn’t. I was so excited that her daughter, Gabby, was going to have a brother or a sister. Turns out she was pregnant with TWIN BOYS. I helped her out when she first had them… they were very premature and so so so very tiny. I don’t know how I convinced her that I would be an appropriate person to help her get the swing of things, but I’m so glad she did because those times were some of the most memorable days of my life. Holding these tiny little humans in my arms made me realise how much I want to have a baby and how being a mother would be enough for me to die happy. Today, Tina and I were talking about people who work full time and have their children in day care 5 days a week. Anyone reading this, I am not being critical of this life choice. If that is how you roll, then good on you. I don’t have children so I don’t know what it’s like, but I know it must be hard trying to raise a family. Anyway- she said something along the lines of “I could have a really nice house and heaps of money, but I’d rather be here with them”. I think that’s the best advice I’ve ever heard in my life.
Today was my last day of work at Priceline after 2 years. Even though we only had approximately 10 customers all day (apparently only old people go to Westfield on a public holiday). My friend from work, Lisa, always makes cupcakes for people on their last day. But, the best part is: she makes the best freaking cupcakes on the planet. I’m serious right now. Sometimes I get excited when people announce they are leaving because I know that Lisa will be making cupcakes. Maybe it’s the fat person inside me.. or maybe it’s just the fact that Lisa is such a wonderful person and so her cupcakes always taste better because they are made with love. Lisa knows how much I love her cupcakes, and I told her that my expectations were really high for mine. I was completely joking around, but when I walked in this morning and found this in the staff room- I was blown away. I can’t believe someone would go to this much effort for me. I’ve never worked somewhere where people care if I leave or not and say “I’ll miss you” and mean it. It was such a warm and fuzzy feeling knowing that she went to such an effort to let me know that I’ll be missed. Lately I’ve been feeling a bit crummy about myself because there are a few people that have really shown a disliking towards me. They made me feel like I have to change in order to be accepted. But I am not willing to compromise with my personality.. because this is who I am. Today I felt like that was enough.
I’m way stronger than I look. Seriously, I didn’t think I was either. But after clearing out my study this afternoon, I have a whole new vision of myself in my head. I’m feeling a little bit weird about this whole “moving” situation. It’s not like I’m moving around the corner, after all. I’m leaving behind a huge part of my life that I wasn’t ready to let go of. I always knew we would go back to Helensburgh ONE DAY. Unfortunately, events of late have forced this inevitable move a lot closer. I’m not supposed to talk about this, so I’ll be brief and inconspicuous. I’m currently watching the Sex & the City movie and it has brought up some unresolved feelings in my heart and I feel like I might explode if I don’t talk about them. There are a few individuals who I will never understand and I have spent countless hours trying to forgive. Being a christian is really hard when it comes to this “forgiveness” thing. But how do you forgive those who are not willing to apologise? I have struggled with this exact issue for months. I feel like one hundred thousand knives have been hurled into my back by people who I would have never expected. But, then again… being stabbed in the back always comes as a surprise. You expect your enemies to hurt you, but not the people you love. The best part of this whole situation is that God has given me the strength to forgive the unapologetic. He has shown me that if I don’t forgive others, how can I expect Him to forgive me? I was praying in the car on the way to work this morning, and I told God about how I can forgive and forget, but I don’t want these poisonous people in my life anymore. I don’t want to be surrounded by people that put a dark cloud over my head and make my life difficult. I have been struggling with this idea for a while now, but I honestly felt the presence of God saying “You will never have to see them again”. And I’m 100% OK with that.
I have approximately zero energy right now. I don’t even know how I summoned the strength to find the camera, put it on timer and take this photo. I seriously laid in this spot for about 20 minutes after I took the photo. I took it right after I FINISHED cleaning the kitchen. I never thought it would be so much work.. but let me tell you- it was. But now I can go to sleep with a happy heart, knowing that every cupboard has been scrubbed and every plate and every spoon is packed away beautifully in labeled boxes. I probably shouldn’t have pushed myself to the limit I did, because I only realised that I had been scrubbing my kitchen for 4 and a half hours when I almost fainted from starvation. I think I get that trait from my Oma. She grew up in Austria in world war 2 and has the most incredible work ethic. It’s a shame that she suffers from brutal rheumatoid arthritis, because I really could use her help this week. Every time that I have wanted to lay down, cry and eat a packet of tim tams, I hear my Omas voice in my head: “Those who eat slow, work slow”.
Today my in-laws came down to Newcastle to help us pack up our house. It is such an invaluable gesture- when someone helps you move house. It’s like a probono removalist job. My mother in law and I spent a while in the kitchen packing everything up today. Most people complain about their mother in law and talk about how she is so awful and overbearing. But not mine. My mother in law is so fantastic that it’s ridonk. I never feel awkward around her or like I have to impress her with my wifey skills. I can be 100% myself around her and it’s so refreshing. It’s a wonderful testament to how my husband was raised. She always sees the positive in any situation.. like today, as we were packing she said “wow- I really LOVE those boxes. They are so vintage”. They are from my work. They were the boxes that the new stock came in. AND they were free. Sometimes I can’t help but laugh when I think about her and how glass-half-full she is. I wish I could be like that.
Today I got offered a full time receptionist job in Surry Hills. I’m extremely excited because I start right away after the move. I felt an instant sense of relief. I’m happy that my life is taking me on a very new path, but I am also sad to be leaving Newcastle. I’ve made some wonderful friends up here. Today I had to say goodbye to my work friend, Brodie. We started at the same time, and it’s weird to me that now I probably won’t see her again. It is sort of depressing because I really think she is such a lovely person and every time I saw her name on the roster I would get excited because I knew the day would be a good one. I also said goodbye to another work friend, Romana. I had such an awful feeling in my stomach when she left, I couldn’t believe that I was actually saying goodbye. I’ve never had a job where I was part of their little group. I really was lucky to have the pleasure of working with all these hilarious, weird and wonderful women. I’m going to miss them. I’m lying in bed after my very last Thursday night shift and feeling very nostalgic about the whole thing. Modern Family always does the trick.